Is it hard for you?

Dear rachel,
Is it hard you to cover when not many people that do? It is for me! I have almost NO friends.The only friends i have are a family named the Corrells. They are Minninite so they cover. they also where dresses and stuff.
well can you give me some tips, since you are older by almost 5 years.
jordyn

Jordyn,

It was at first, and still is from time to time. I guess it's just about having the guts to do what you feel is right, no matter what everyone else thinks.

I've never had very many friends so I suppose that didn't matter so much to me. I've always just thought that if people can't see past what I look like and the way I dress, they're not worth being friends with. I guess girls around our age tend to be more into clothes and hair and stuff but a true friend won't care how you dress or what you look like. I actually have more friends now than before I started covering; I was at school and had no friends except for one that I've known since I was 4. I don't have very many close friends except for her but I have lots of people I'd consider friends from the homeschooling group.

I guess it might be easier for me to cover than you perhaps, as where you are, people would see the covering and maybe just assume you're Amish or Mennonite? Over here, NO-ONE covers (except Muslims). Most people don't know what to do with me, they can't put me in a neat little box except for 'strange'. I admit there are a few people who ask whether I'm Brethren (apparently there's an Exclusive Brethren church around here; I didn't know of it until people kept asking if I was Brethren) and that's part of the reason I started wearing my hair in a bun (I used to wear it loose under the covering, but it's really too long to do that now).

I think the best thing about covering is that people take you as you are; you can just be yourself. You're automatically excluded from any sort of stereotype (over here at least, it might be different for you). Sure, I get some strange looks, the odd once-over of my clothes, once I was in a shop and passed a father a child, when I passed them again a few minutes later, the father was explaining the difference between a religion and a cult (I'm reasonably certain I was the instigator of that conversation), but mostly I'm just accepted as I am.

I'm not saying there aren't times when I feel scared of going out with the covering on. Some days I feel like just taking it off and going out with my hair down. I did that once, though, and felt awkward all day. Sometimes I'm scared of how people will react to me, especially if it's someone I care about the reaction of; especially relatives. When this happens, I usually pray for help, remember that I'm doing what God wants me to.

Sometimes I get sick of feeling like the odd one out. Even if no-one notices (and they probably don't), I feel like they're staring at me. When this happens I sometimes change my covering so that it's not so obvious (not what I should be doing, I know, but it happens). It's times like that that I often wear my hair loose under the covering, so it looks like not much more than a bandanna.

The best tip I can give is to pray and ask God for help when you feel your resolve is wavering.

Another tip would be to start covering in increments. When I started, it wasn't anything more than an opaque bun-cover. Gradually, it grew. It went through many stages; a small kapp on the back of my head, a bandanna with my hair loose, a larger veil with my hair loose, a larger veil with my hair in a bun, and so forth. I guess it's just a matter of doing what your comfortable with and pushing yourself gradually than trying to do it all at once and loosing your conviction because it's so scary and difficult.

After a while, it will feel stranger not to have the covering on than to actually wear it. I feel awkward when it's not on, now. I mean, I always know it's there and it's a great reminder of how I should be behaving and responding to things, but take it away and it feels like something's missing. Going out without something on my head would be like going out without a shirt on!

Anway, I hope I've been of some help. This is something I still struggle with, but I guess I have been covering for 2 years now which is longer than you so I can only tell you about what my experiences have been and what helped.

From Rachel.

Well, I really regret this but, about 1 month before I started covering, I had long hair butt then saw the "popular" style which was short. So I went to the hair stylest and had it cut short. I didn't like how it looked about a week after I cut it and kept wanting my long hair back. I was longer than the sholders but not very much longer, mabey 2 inchs. Well it is about sholder length but I can only but it in a strait bun but I want to but it in a round or oval bun. How long is your hair? One of my friends hair, from going head to sholder, it is about 2 ft longer than sholder length. She is 11.
Jordyn

My hair reaches about 7 or 8 inches past the waist of my cape dresses. I think it's about 3 feet long in total, maybe a little longer. It's also very thick. I used to have my hair cut short (as in, to my ears) at the beginning of every summer. My mother believes that until we can learn to take care of our own hair, it should be short. From a very early age (about four, at least), I have wanted to have long hair. I absolutely hated having it cut. Until I was about 8 or 9, however, it remained at no longer than shoulder-length, being cut at the beginning of each summer. I also had a fringe (I think you call it 'bangs'?).

When I was 9, my mother was finally convinced that I could look after my own hair, I decided that I was going to grow it as long as I could. I also wanted to get rid of my fringe, so I cut my hair to fringe-length the entire way around. Very, very short, in fact; have you seen pictures of Amish men? It was like that. I haven't cut it since. That was 6 years ago and it grows about 6 or 7 inches each year. My mother does cut the very tips off at the beginning of each year, because I get split ends from time to time, but it's never much more than about a centimetre. I cut my mother's hair and she cuts my sister; only my father has been to the barber in the past 8 years!

I was wondering, is the popular style short hair in America? Over here, more girls seem to have longer hair, but layered. I don't see the point in layering as you can't do anything with it! Also it looks really thick at the top and really thin and scraggly at the bottom and that's just weird...

What do you mean by a 'straight bun'? I guess my bun is round or oval; I usually plait my hair in two plaits as far to the back as I can, and then just sort of wrap the plaits around one another and pin them flat. Today I only did one plait; I'm not sure why. I'm not doing that again as it's all wobbly!

If your hair's shoulder-length, I would recommend trying to put it in a bun by using plaits first. I think it would work with hair that length; but then, it's been a while since mine was that short! For about a year and a half before I started covering, I wore my hair in two plaits. Every day. I don't know how I managed it, quite frankly, but then I suppose I put it in a bun every day now, so there's not that much difference.

If you want, I can try to take some photos of how I put my hair in a bun. I think it would work for your hair and it might be useful to have photos to show you how.

From Rachel.

Right now it is layered and stright, and also there is really short and dyed. Almost everyone dyes their hair now. My momma does, and hers looks good. There is nothing wrong with dyeing when it is a natural hair color, but some people have it, like cherry red, pink, green, blue, and orange. Some people dye their hair black, the but like pink and blue streaks in it. I reall looks weird. Also the new thing is feathers in your hair. You go to a shop and they get a feather, color and size of your chioce, and get a stand of your hair. they get the feather, hair and a bead and put the hair in the bead and the slide the feather in. Then push the bead with pliers and push the bead and feather into your hair, so it stays forever, unless you want them to take it out at some point.
jordyn

Okay, the popular thing over here at the moment is about bra-length and layered, but the top layers aren't usually much past the ears. Streaks are also common, but it's usually just blonde streaks in darker hair. I know some people dye their hair unnatural colours like pink or purple, and others do the black with streaks thing you mentioned, but they're in the minority.

I haven't really noticed any other style. But most of the girls in the homeschooling group just wear their hair long and without layers. One girl had hers bobbed a few months ago, but she's the only one. I guess the others cut their hair sometimes, but mostly it's fairly long.

Speaking of unnatural hair dying colours, you should look up Julia Gillard, our current Prime Minister. She's a natural redhead but has being dying her hair since before she begam PM. However, since she came to office, the Australian public has been watching her hair slowly change from a natural-looking orangey-colour to an almost burgundy shade. It now looks quite unnatural, especially as it went through a strange bright red stage. We're convinced she has is re-dyed every few days. One of my cousins believes that Julia Gillard's hair is where taxpayer's money goes.

The feather thing is new to me. I've never heard of that! Wouldn't it be awkward to brush your hair with the feather in? I know a few years ago something similar was popular here, but with brightly coloured fake streaks rather than a feather.

from Rachel.

I have seen more and more girls have highlights and feathers. I really don't like it. It looks silly. My daddy says that they are trying to look like birds! I would never dye my hair or but in beads, feathers, etc. I would hate it so much! Because with highlights, you have to get them redone evey2-3 weeks because the color comes out! So, whats the point of spending the money! I don't know why parents let them do it. My daddy would not like it if i wanted to. My momma colors her hair. It is only a couple shaded lighter then what iot was, or darker maybe, but it is still changing the color of your hair. God gave you a color, so keep it that way!
JORDYN

I agree! I've never understood why people give their hair strange colours. When I was little, I did used to wish that my hair was blonde... my sister's a natural blonde (although it's darkened to a light brown now, it used to be white-blonde a curly) and she got a lot more attention than me when we were small (I'm not making it up - she was quite sick for a number of years, in and out of hospital all the time, so she was pretty spoilt when she was young), and at that age, I thought it was because she was blonde and pretty (as opposed to me, with straight plain brown hair). So I thought that if my hair were blonde and curly, too, people would pay attention to me.

Now I think, well, God obviously wanted us to have the colour hair he gave us, so why change it?

Another thing is, none of my immediate family gets their hair coloured or permed, because my father has Facial Blindness. That means he can't tell people apart by their faces alone (he's not so good with facial expressions either), and he tells them apart by their hair. We don't change our hairstyles much, and when we do, we have to give him advanced warning of it. We used to go to a church with lots of African ladies who re-braided their hair a different way every month or so; when that happened, he wouldn't recognise the lady, and treat them like a complete strangely, simply because he didn't know who they were! Also, if he usually sees someone wearing a big hat, and then sees them without, he won't recognise them sometimes.

Anyway...

I didn't realise people with streaks had to re-dye it so often! Wow! It's amazing they bother with streaks in the first place! I agree with your father about the girls trying to look like birds. I'm just trying to imagine people with highlights and feathers in their hair...

from Rachel.

Not only do they have to get it redone, but it takes a long time! You can ask Kaleigh. She has two feathers and two dyed strips. You could PM her about it if you want. Just to see what the steps are.
Jordyn